Bros 'n Bitches
This is more than a concept or theory, this is a LIFESTYLE. Bros before hos man, that's how the realists live. We understand that these women we meet may not be in our lives for more than one night, and thus are NOT worth risking our long-standing friendships and brotherhoods. Are you really willing to risk your brotherhood with a close friend who has been there since the beginning for a one night stand? Hell no!
But there are two sides to this story. In a nutshell, this way of life means that Bros come before Bitches, but at the same time the situation should never arise where a choice has to be made. Take for instance, Navy and myself. Lets say we have a nice condo in a tourist city, right? We are sharing it and splitting the rent. Nice, 2 BR 1 BA with kitchen, util, cable, everything we need. Now say I'm out on town and meet a nice girl that I wanna take back to "The Hang." First thing I have to do is call up Navy. "Yo Navy, whats good man? I got this girl I want ya to meet man. Whats goin on?"
In this situation, Navy will typically respond with one of two generic responses :
A. "Sorry man, just left. Why don't ya take her back anyway and have a good time? I'll meet her next time."
B. "Man, I'm not feelin well. I ate somethin that didn't agree with me I think..."
Now option A is Navy's way of sayin "Ha, I'll get out of your way so you can have the place to yourself. Clean up when you're done, I'll be out on town until you give me the go-ahead to come back. Otherwise, I'll be back in 2-3 hours (maybe more)."
Option B isn't always the exact truth, but what it means is "Don't bring her back here." He could actually be sick, or he could have a bitch at the condo. Either way, we dip out and go somewhere else.
The concept is simple, easy to follow, and prevents conflict. To live this lifestyle, arrange a code ahead of time to let your bros know that you're tryin to come back with the bitch so that they can let ya know whats goin on without seeming suspicious. It's truly epic yo
Monday, April 13, 2009
Friday, April 10, 2009
hollistergirl90
Okay, so I was hanging out at the local mall hoping to score some babes. I had already seen several women walk by, but none really stood out to me. What happened next was rather funny, in my opinion, and she is probably still thinking about it.
I notice this buxom blond staring at me from across the walkway (which I shall further refer to as "the street"). She wasn't bad, but not a 10 by my standards. I would have placed her at a 7-J-D (rank is explained elsewhere on the main page). I caught her staring at me, so I held her gaze. Then I checked her up and down, blatantly, making sure she could see me, before walking over. Using a line from a man I very much respect, I said "You must be the luckiest girl in this entire mall..." to which she responds, "why?" I catch her here with the zinger; "cuz you're talkin to this guy!"
She laughed, letting me know I had made the right choice. I asked her what she was doing here, and the following conversation went something like this:
hollistergirl90 : I'm just out shopping for new clothes with the money daddy gave me.
me : Really? Well stay away from Hollister their clothes suck.
hollistergirl90 : Excuse me? I'm wearing Hollister and I find their clothes very stylish!
me : Oh really? Then obviously you've grown up without the comfort of a REAL fashion magazine. But that would explain why your shirt doesn't match your shoes, I guess. ;-)
hollistergirl90 : They were the only shoes I had that were clean!
me : Excuses excuses... I wouldn't want to be seen out mismatched like that. ;-)
hollistergirl90 : Haha. Well it's not too noticeable, you're the first person to say anything :-) I've never met a guy who knows fashion before :-)
me : Well then you should give me your number for consult next time you decide to wear a wardrobe atrocity. I might be able to correct it for you ;-)
hollistergirl90 : I don't know... I don't feel comfortable giving out my number....
me : You must say that to all the guys. Just give me your number. I don't feel like playing cat and mouse today.
hollistergirl90 : Okay... its 443-***-*..... wait, you aren't even going to put it in your phone?
me : Actually, I've changed my mind. I don't want it anymore.
hollistergirl90 : Why not? Did I do something wrong?
me : Look, I don't like to waste my time on something that I view as a bad investment.
hollistergirl90 : What?! What are you talking about? Hey! Are you listening to me?! Why am I a bad investment?!
She followed me everywhere I went in the mall, and caused me to cut my visit short. She went so far as to follow me out to my car demanding to know why I didn't want to talk to her.
me : You act like every other girl I've met so far. I'm just bored and need something more interesting in my life. Later
Now you're probably thinking, "what the hell? How on earth could this possibly be a good thing?"
Well that's simple. She FOLLOWED me everywhere. She was clearly attracted to me. Seriously, think about it. If she truly wasn't attracted, then why would she waste her time following me? "Because she didn't understand how she was unattractive." Bad answer. She could have just brushed it off as "he was a dick. He's just an asshole. What does he know?" But no. She HAD to know what she did wrong. She was desperate to fix it. Not for her and the guys she was gonna meet in the future, and I know this because she is the kind of girl that is approached everyday by guys better looking than me. So she knows she isn't doing anything wrong. She was interested in MY opinion, and why she didn't register with ME. It was attraction, at a most illogical level.
Why did I enjoy this? What guy doesn't love having a decent looking popular girl follow him around begging to know why she was turned down?
I notice this buxom blond staring at me from across the walkway (which I shall further refer to as "the street"). She wasn't bad, but not a 10 by my standards. I would have placed her at a 7-J-D (rank is explained elsewhere on the main page). I caught her staring at me, so I held her gaze. Then I checked her up and down, blatantly, making sure she could see me, before walking over. Using a line from a man I very much respect, I said "You must be the luckiest girl in this entire mall..." to which she responds, "why?" I catch her here with the zinger; "cuz you're talkin to this guy!"
She laughed, letting me know I had made the right choice. I asked her what she was doing here, and the following conversation went something like this:
hollistergirl90 : I'm just out shopping for new clothes with the money daddy gave me.
me : Really? Well stay away from Hollister their clothes suck.
hollistergirl90 : Excuse me? I'm wearing Hollister and I find their clothes very stylish!
me : Oh really? Then obviously you've grown up without the comfort of a REAL fashion magazine. But that would explain why your shirt doesn't match your shoes, I guess. ;-)
hollistergirl90 : They were the only shoes I had that were clean!
me : Excuses excuses... I wouldn't want to be seen out mismatched like that. ;-)
hollistergirl90 : Haha. Well it's not too noticeable, you're the first person to say anything :-) I've never met a guy who knows fashion before :-)
me : Well then you should give me your number for consult next time you decide to wear a wardrobe atrocity. I might be able to correct it for you ;-)
hollistergirl90 : I don't know... I don't feel comfortable giving out my number....
me : You must say that to all the guys. Just give me your number. I don't feel like playing cat and mouse today.
hollistergirl90 : Okay... its 443-***-*..... wait, you aren't even going to put it in your phone?
me : Actually, I've changed my mind. I don't want it anymore.
hollistergirl90 : Why not? Did I do something wrong?
me : Look, I don't like to waste my time on something that I view as a bad investment.
hollistergirl90 : What?! What are you talking about? Hey! Are you listening to me?! Why am I a bad investment?!
She followed me everywhere I went in the mall, and caused me to cut my visit short. She went so far as to follow me out to my car demanding to know why I didn't want to talk to her.
me : You act like every other girl I've met so far. I'm just bored and need something more interesting in my life. Later
Now you're probably thinking, "what the hell? How on earth could this possibly be a good thing?"
Well that's simple. She FOLLOWED me everywhere. She was clearly attracted to me. Seriously, think about it. If she truly wasn't attracted, then why would she waste her time following me? "Because she didn't understand how she was unattractive." Bad answer. She could have just brushed it off as "he was a dick. He's just an asshole. What does he know?" But no. She HAD to know what she did wrong. She was desperate to fix it. Not for her and the guys she was gonna meet in the future, and I know this because she is the kind of girl that is approached everyday by guys better looking than me. So she knows she isn't doing anything wrong. She was interested in MY opinion, and why she didn't register with ME. It was attraction, at a most illogical level.
Why did I enjoy this? What guy doesn't love having a decent looking popular girl follow him around begging to know why she was turned down?
Lumberjack
I pray to god she never sees this page, because she DEFINITELY remembers this nickname.
You see, back in High School there was this gymnast that moved to my area. Short, red-head, I would rate her 6-A-C. Great score on my board. Flexible, the sexiest back muscles in the WORLD, and a true virgin (never been involved in ANY sexual activity).
I was dating Twilight at the time, a girl who I will cover in a different post. When I saw Lumberjack on her first day, she was wearing a red plaid button-up shirt that screamed "I'M A LUMBERJACK." Hence the nickname.
We spent quite a bit of time flirting around, and this other girl PB (paper bag) took notice. She liked me too. Unfortunately for PB, she only scores a 3-J-H on my board, one of the WORST scores possible. We decided we would all go out to the movies with Camera (Navy's soon to be girlfriend), her boyfriend (who Navy stole her from), PB, Lumberjack, and me. What a party.
I found myself laying back in the chair with Lumberjack curled up to my right and PB to my left. I was playing with Lumberjack's hair, touching her in ALL the right places, feeling her get hot and everything. Unfortunately, with PB there we couldn't do anything. That moment came when we started to get up, where Lumberjack's gaze met mine and we held that gaze, mere inches (at the most 2) from each others' lips, knowing we couldn't kiss but desperately wanting too. Yeah, mushy romantic, I get it. This was right after Miss Magnet so I was still a total nub.
We decided the next day that we should date, exclusively, much to the sorrow of PB. We enjoyed the short time we had together, before Ankle-biter got involved (ex-g/f, the one immediately following Miss Magnet) and convinced Lumberjack that I was only using her for sex. Well lemme tell you something, that PISSED ME OFF. But it gets better. A week goes by, I'm still talking to Lumberjack (as friends), when she tells me that she wants me.... yeah, get this....... to take her....... wait for it...... virginity. BAM I'm in. I start meeting her in the hallways after school, making out with her and fingering her. I go over to her house late at night to "play xbox" with her and her brother, which always wound up with us cuddling on the couch and my hands down her pants to the point where she would tell me to take them out so I wouldn't cause her to make too much noise ;-) I was on fire. Until the fateful day when she lost her virginity. Yeah, it wasn't to me. It was to the 7'th grader down the street, who is now dating my sister's friend Connecticut. Can you believe that shit? A sophmore in high school chooses to lose her virginity to a middle-school student. WTF?!
Here is where the lesson is learned - she still wanted me. But I freaked out and got pissed and ruined ANY chance of us ever being together. Totally trashed. What I wouldn't give to go back and bitch-slap myself for being such an idiot. So let this be a lesson to you guys : If you really wanna screw a girl who is doing the "friends with benefits" (FWB) deal, DON'T GET MAD IF SHE SLEEPS WITH SOMEONE ELSE! You are FWB for a REASON. Don't blow it.
You see, back in High School there was this gymnast that moved to my area. Short, red-head, I would rate her 6-A-C. Great score on my board. Flexible, the sexiest back muscles in the WORLD, and a true virgin (never been involved in ANY sexual activity).
I was dating Twilight at the time, a girl who I will cover in a different post. When I saw Lumberjack on her first day, she was wearing a red plaid button-up shirt that screamed "I'M A LUMBERJACK." Hence the nickname.
We spent quite a bit of time flirting around, and this other girl PB (paper bag) took notice. She liked me too. Unfortunately for PB, she only scores a 3-J-H on my board, one of the WORST scores possible. We decided we would all go out to the movies with Camera (Navy's soon to be girlfriend), her boyfriend (who Navy stole her from), PB, Lumberjack, and me. What a party.
I found myself laying back in the chair with Lumberjack curled up to my right and PB to my left. I was playing with Lumberjack's hair, touching her in ALL the right places, feeling her get hot and everything. Unfortunately, with PB there we couldn't do anything. That moment came when we started to get up, where Lumberjack's gaze met mine and we held that gaze, mere inches (at the most 2) from each others' lips, knowing we couldn't kiss but desperately wanting too. Yeah, mushy romantic, I get it. This was right after Miss Magnet so I was still a total nub.
We decided the next day that we should date, exclusively, much to the sorrow of PB. We enjoyed the short time we had together, before Ankle-biter got involved (ex-g/f, the one immediately following Miss Magnet) and convinced Lumberjack that I was only using her for sex. Well lemme tell you something, that PISSED ME OFF. But it gets better. A week goes by, I'm still talking to Lumberjack (as friends), when she tells me that she wants me.... yeah, get this....... to take her....... wait for it...... virginity. BAM I'm in. I start meeting her in the hallways after school, making out with her and fingering her. I go over to her house late at night to "play xbox" with her and her brother, which always wound up with us cuddling on the couch and my hands down her pants to the point where she would tell me to take them out so I wouldn't cause her to make too much noise ;-) I was on fire. Until the fateful day when she lost her virginity. Yeah, it wasn't to me. It was to the 7'th grader down the street, who is now dating my sister's friend Connecticut. Can you believe that shit? A sophmore in high school chooses to lose her virginity to a middle-school student. WTF?!
Here is where the lesson is learned - she still wanted me. But I freaked out and got pissed and ruined ANY chance of us ever being together. Totally trashed. What I wouldn't give to go back and bitch-slap myself for being such an idiot. So let this be a lesson to you guys : If you really wanna screw a girl who is doing the "friends with benefits" (FWB) deal, DON'T GET MAD IF SHE SLEEPS WITH SOMEONE ELSE! You are FWB for a REASON. Don't blow it.
Miss Magnet
So we all know how magnets have two poles, right? This makes them what I would consider to be bipolar. Well that is just what Miss Magnet was, and lemme tell you she was NOT a fun relationship. But just to clarify what started my spree of asininity, I feel like I should share my following adventure.
Miss Magnet and I knew each other from the diaper days. We had been out of touch for several years, but her dad started coming around the house again to do some work. With the dad came Miss Magnet (MM).
Now don't get me wrong, MM has (still) a pretty decent body, I guess, a great ass, and some pretty sexy skin. She's short, but that's okay. Greece runs deep in her veins.
Her and I hit it off immediately. Now I won't admit, this was back in the day when I still believed I could fall in "love" with a girl just by dating her for a day. Stupid, right?
Her and I started off pretty well, until day 2 of our relationship. She catches me alone in my room (starts good eh?) and says "So when am I gonna get to see your dick?"
I was thinking WHAT THE F***? See, I had stolen her from her last boyfriend. He thanks me to this day for that. So now, being forced into a sexual relationship with a very untrustworthy girl, I found myself at a loss for words. I showed her "the goods" to which she remarks "huh. It's not as long as my last boyfriend's, but definitely thicker." That's what matters. ;-)
We started to develop a very sexual relationship after that. I would spend every chance I got down her pants, especially because this girl was still (technically) a virgin who had never had an orgasm. I happened (still do) to possess magic fingers, and lo and behold Daddy knows what she likes (haha).
One night while we were out in the living room, my sister asleep on the couch, she turns to me and says "f*** me." I thought "alright, this could be interesting." I went back to get a condom, got back out to her, and told her "if you really want this you are gonna have to get me hard." At first she was excited, but as things progressed that changed rather quickly.
She spent 2 hours trying to get me hard. It just wasn't working... she tried EVERYTHING. Now usually a woman only has to touch me to do it. Using her mouth will ALWAYS work. But not this girl. She did everything right, but I just wasn't feeling it.
Well that started the decline. I later found out she had (in frustration) gone out to the movies with her ex (not my friend, the guy he stole her from) and given him a blowjob in the theater. The only reason I even knew was because her dad CAUGHT them just as she was finishing him off. I'm amazed she's still alive to this day.
Miss Magnet goes on to screw several guys, used by all of them, before coming BACK over and meeting my brother Navy.
Navy knows how to work women, and in fact is one of my main mentors. He worked her over to where she was literally BEGGING him for it. Then he dumped her sorry ass for being too nosy. I love that guy, no homo.
Anyway, what I learned from this is that bipolar people are prone to being VERY sexually driven, and possessing VERY poor judgment. These two concepts blended together were a MAJOR turnoff for me and the reason we aren't together now, and why she hates me now. But it's not like I care, she's still a b****. :-)
Miss Magnet and I knew each other from the diaper days. We had been out of touch for several years, but her dad started coming around the house again to do some work. With the dad came Miss Magnet (MM).
Now don't get me wrong, MM has (still) a pretty decent body, I guess, a great ass, and some pretty sexy skin. She's short, but that's okay. Greece runs deep in her veins.
Her and I hit it off immediately. Now I won't admit, this was back in the day when I still believed I could fall in "love" with a girl just by dating her for a day. Stupid, right?
Her and I started off pretty well, until day 2 of our relationship. She catches me alone in my room (starts good eh?) and says "So when am I gonna get to see your dick?"
I was thinking WHAT THE F***? See, I had stolen her from her last boyfriend. He thanks me to this day for that. So now, being forced into a sexual relationship with a very untrustworthy girl, I found myself at a loss for words. I showed her "the goods" to which she remarks "huh. It's not as long as my last boyfriend's, but definitely thicker." That's what matters. ;-)
We started to develop a very sexual relationship after that. I would spend every chance I got down her pants, especially because this girl was still (technically) a virgin who had never had an orgasm. I happened (still do) to possess magic fingers, and lo and behold Daddy knows what she likes (haha).
One night while we were out in the living room, my sister asleep on the couch, she turns to me and says "f*** me." I thought "alright, this could be interesting." I went back to get a condom, got back out to her, and told her "if you really want this you are gonna have to get me hard." At first she was excited, but as things progressed that changed rather quickly.
She spent 2 hours trying to get me hard. It just wasn't working... she tried EVERYTHING. Now usually a woman only has to touch me to do it. Using her mouth will ALWAYS work. But not this girl. She did everything right, but I just wasn't feeling it.
Well that started the decline. I later found out she had (in frustration) gone out to the movies with her ex (not my friend, the guy he stole her from) and given him a blowjob in the theater. The only reason I even knew was because her dad CAUGHT them just as she was finishing him off. I'm amazed she's still alive to this day.
Miss Magnet goes on to screw several guys, used by all of them, before coming BACK over and meeting my brother Navy.
Navy knows how to work women, and in fact is one of my main mentors. He worked her over to where she was literally BEGGING him for it. Then he dumped her sorry ass for being too nosy. I love that guy, no homo.
Anyway, what I learned from this is that bipolar people are prone to being VERY sexually driven, and possessing VERY poor judgment. These two concepts blended together were a MAJOR turnoff for me and the reason we aren't together now, and why she hates me now. But it's not like I care, she's still a b****. :-)
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